Routines and Schedules
Within hours of a child’s birth the topic of schedules and routines is at the top of parents’ lists. In this country there is an emphasis to direct infants into pre-determined patterns of what’s “right” or “good” or “healthy.” It is important for parents to know that babies come into this world wired to receive and respond to input that will guide their healthy development. You are your child’s first and most important guide. And the “guiding” has started! It is during this first year of life that your baby will learn to trust that she can count on you day or night.
Newborns (birth to three months) sleep 18 to 20 hours per day with short awakenings over the course of the 24 hour day. It is not unusual for newborns to have six to eight regularly occurring sleep periods mixed with wakeful periods used for feeding, pooping and delighting parents and family members. However, each baby arrives with her own preferences, some having longer sleeping/feeding/pooping alert cycles than others. To learn about your baby’s preferences, consider keeping a journal recording your baby’s routines. (You’ll be amazed to know what you thought you knew and didn’t know, and what you know that you did not know you knew!) Write down when your baby sleeps, is awake and alert and when and for how long (or how much) your baby feeds. And remember that during the first three months your baby is building neurons and connections that will support her ability to regulate herself.
In fact, the whole first year of your baby’s life is spent learning and practicing self-regulation. The ability to learn self regulation comes from being wrapped in your arms and is affected by the regularity of your response, your love and guidance. By six months babies are sleeping 6 to 8 hours at a time, with interruptions for feeding. (Did you know that the act of sucking is soothing/calming for babies?) It is during this first six months that babies are figuring out the circadian (light-dark) cycle. As your baby moves into the second half year of life, you can expect the development of one to two long spells of sleep (8 to 12 hours) and 2 nap spells (maybe as long as 2 hours) during a 24 hour period. Remember, though, your baby will have her own take on this! Your job is to be aware of your baby’s preference and to provide the context for her success. Routines are developed on what a parent knows their baby needs and when they need it!
“Does she sleep through the night?” is a question parents are asked as soon as there are visitors. Sleep studies using instruments that objectively record babies’ awakenings tell us that babies awaken once or twice during the night for 1 to 5 minutes and then soothe themselves back to sleep. It is not until the she needs you that the call for attention, is piped through the house. It is her need to be fed, changed or cuddled that signals her to call out.
You need to know that as your baby grows (height and weight) and develops (maturing internal systems) and learns trust (neurological), she will develop the healthy sleep and eating patterns of her family. Every baby arrives genetically coded (nature) to be who she is going to be. This is the person you met the very first time you held your baby in your arms. You provide the nurture; you are the agent of your baby’s integration of nature and nurture. Nurture is where and how you live and respond. It is the ingredient necessary for your baby to adjust to living in this environment.
Sometimes we expect every single thing to be resolved now. Human growth and development happens over time, over a life time. It’s a miracle. Slow down and be with this miracle. Enjoy each and every moment. Gaze deeply into your baby’s eyes and see what it is that your baby needs right now. Be confident that you will know how to satisfy your baby. That confident message will transmit through that invisible umbilical cord called relationship pulsing pure love and commitment. Babies build trust off of this stuff.
Vicki Thrasher Cronin is a Parent Educator for Duluth Public Schools
